Most of us look forward to dinner — this is true even if you are a kid.
Dinner with the family is one of the few times we sit down together for a period of time. This is why most therapists recommend that you have regular meal times with your children for somewhere between three to six times a week.
To make this time successful, there are some things you need to do:
1. Turn off the television, the rock music, the phone or anything else that will interrupt this special family time.
2. Make it a happy time. You don’t want this time to become the time to correct the problems that have developed during the day. Turning the dinner table into a war zone turns something positive into something negative.
3. Don’t embarrass or humiliate anyone at dinner.
4. Give everyone a warning before the meal is ready. You don’t want people coming in at different times.
5. Whenever possible, turn dinner into a special meal. Good test results, a birthday, a sports award, an especially clean room or just about any other kind of special day that makes it fun to celebrate is worth celebrating at dinner. See if you can find one of many “You Are Special” plates that you can give to the child whose special day is being celebrated.
6. Make sure that everyone in the family has time to talk. You always can ask questions of the family member who sits quietly and is less likely to participate.
7. These meals together teach children (and maybe adults) to wait their turn to speak and hear many different perspectives.
8. Think about your goal in eating together. Are you trying to encourage manners, communication, listening or being respectful? It is fine to have goals in addition to eating a meal.
9. Dinner is a perfect opportunity to build self-esteem in children. When you listen to what children have to say, you are saying, “I value you and what you do. I respect who you are and what you are doing. What you do is important to me because you are important to me.”
10. Family meals help parents pass on their values from one generation to the next. These family times create a bond and shared memories that children carry with them long into adulthood. All this while you have a nice dinner.
Even with all the good we can see from eating a meal together, there is more. Researchers from Harvard University have found that children got even more. Kids who have regular family dinners have better grades, better vocabularies and better behavior. They are less likely to smoke, drink, do drugs, have eating disorders, become depressed or to have sex.
On top of all of these benefits, children also get better nutrition.
Dinner together doesn’t have to be every night but it should be most nights. It should be something your child learns to plan on and anticipate having a positive experience. It should be something each of you benefits from doing together.
Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. To reach current First Teacher Executive Director Nicole Brewer, email nicole@firstteacher.org or call 360-681-2250.
