Parenting Matters: Another lesson for the holidays

Published 1:30 am Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Last week we wrote about the importance of teaching children about saying, “Thank you.” This is really an important lesson especially at this time of year.

But there are other lessons that stand out.

Teaching your child about giving is another one of these important lessons. No matter whether your child is 2 or 20, talking about giving should be part of the holiday season.

Many people ask children for ideas of what to give them for the holiday. It almost implies to our children that holiday season is a time for them to receive a gift. This is not the lesson you want them to learn.

Children need to learn to be grateful for the gifts they receive rather than to expect certain items to be given to them. They also need to learn that gifts are something they should be giving, too.

Many of you might ask how your child can give a gift. Of course, children are limited on what they can buy for others. However, many gifts do not cost a lot or anything. When was the last time you gave a picture that your 2-year-old made for his aunt? What about giving his cousin a necklace made out of something the child thought was special?

A child could gather up pine cones to give to his grandmother because he knows she loves them. An older child could make some brownies from the mix you have in the cupboard and give them to his uncle or grandfather.

Gifts are all around. Help your child learn to look for the many ways to share something special with the people he loves and the people who will probably give him something.

It is easy to look at all the ways the holidays bring gifts to the child, rather than to help the child look for ways he can bring joy to others. This is one of the gifts of Christmas — teaching the child about giving to others.

Be ‘part of the process’

Once again this lesson is most easily learned when parents are part of the process.

Let your child see you giving to others. Let him see you taking the name off the tree at the department store and giving to a child you don’t know.

Help him figure out ways he can give something of himself in the gift he picks out for others.

Let him hear that he could send a note to a special person and that in itself would be a gift.

Suggest to him that he could give his dad a certificate saying he will wash the car a certain number of times for his gift. He can even give a gift of doing the vacuuming for several times as a way of letting his mother know that she is special to him.

Remember that gently used toys given from one older sibling or cousin can mean a lot and are a great gift idea. Don’t forget about those old baseball cards.

Gifts come in all kinds and in all sizes. Let him find a way that lets people know he cares about them.

The gift doesn’t need to show how much was spent; it needs to show how much the other people means to him.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com.