Dementia Caregiving 101: Coping with challenging behaviors
Published 1:30 am Wednesday, May 6, 2026
By Linda Klinefelter
for the Sequim Gazette
Dear Readers, the column “Dementia Caregiving 101” is a lifeline for caregivers supporting loved ones facing the challenges of dementia. This column is dedicated to providing not only information but also heartfelt support and valuable resources for those who may struggle to attend caregiver groups or access outside services. Together, we can navigate this journey with compassion and understanding.
Since I started this column, I’ve been inundated with questions about the behaviors of loved ones. Let me be clear: I am not an expert on these behaviors, despite what some may assume!
Every dementia patient is unique, and each one exhibits different behaviors influenced by various factors. A turbulent past or a life-threatening event experienced early in life can impact how a person behaves as the disease progresses. Moreover, behaviors that were present before the onset of dementia may intensify over time. Additionally, caregivers’ responses and actions can affect dementia patients’ behaviors. There are things that can help when resistance or behaviors set in.
I’ve noticed that when my loved one resists activities like showering or other necessary care, involving his medical provider can help ease that resistance. For instance, when I wanted him to attend a dementia socialization program, and he was hesitant, I spoke to his medical provider during one of our visits. When the provider suggested he participate, he was more open to the idea.
The same approach applies to his hygiene. Since he has become incontinent, I emphasize the importance of keeping his skin clean and dry to prevent skin breakdown and possible hospitalization. His physician also reinforced this message, so when he became resistant to showering, I explained that the recommendation came from his doctor. This strategy has been effective in encouraging him to follow through with his care.
It is important to recognize how your loved one responds to directives and what works and what doesn’t work. Also, it is important that your demeanor as a caregiver plays into their responses. If you are frustrated, angry, and out of patience, they may not be able to articulate a response, but they definitely can feel your anger or frustration. Step back, reassess, and take another approach.
Here are some suggestions if you are dealing with behaviors.
• Do not argue. Arguing increases confusion, fear, and agitation. Even if the patient is wrong, correcting them rarely helps.
• Do not reason or try to convince. Dementia affects logic and memory. Reasoning can frustrate both the patient and the caregiver.
• Do not shame or confront. Avoid saying things like “I already told you” or “You should remember.” This can cause anxiety or aggression.
• Watch for triggers. Hunger, pain, a full bladder, or tiredness often cause behaviors.
• One instruction at a time. Short and clear directions work best.
• Redirect. Use a compassionate and non-confrontational approach to shift the patient’s fixation or unsafe behaviors.
• Create a calm environment. Eliminate noises, bright lights, and clutter. This helps with agitation.
• Keep them busy. Include them in simple tasks such as folding towels or sorting items. This gives them purpose.
• Keep a routine. This reduces confusion and agitation.
• Play music. Familiar songs can calm and improve mood.
Caregiving is by far one of the most challenging things one can embark upon. It can put demands on our health, our family, our social network, and our employment. Support and assistance can make the journey much more tolerable.
“There are only four kinds of people in the world. Those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need a caregiver.” — Rosalyn Carter
