We talk a lot about how important to your child are the many lessons you teach him. You are an important teacher; in fact, you are probably his most important teacher.
One of the things that you need to be sure of is what you are teaching him. He is watching you. He is listening to things you say to him but also to things you are saying to others that he hears. Whether you think you are or not, you are teaching him. When you argue with your partner, the chances are he hears the whole argument.
When you get angry, he learns about being angry. When you holler at him, he learns that this is something you do when you are angry. When you light up that cigarette he learns that special people in his life smoke.
He also learns about being kind, thoughtful, and respectful when he watches you. He learns about thank you when he hears you say it regularly. He even does a special job picking up his toys when you show him how. He smiles because you smile. He pays very close attention to all the lessons you teach.
But sometimes the lessons about negative behavior are stronger lessons. They are louder and stronger lessons.
One important place he learns lessons from you is driving lessons. When he is very young, he doesn’t pay much attention but that changes. As he grows older, he watches, listens, and learns when you drive him places. He learns about putting on his seat belt for one thing. This is one of the clearest lessons he learns.
Many cars keep reminding you to put on your seat belt and you must do it, or it will go on reminding you time and time again. Parents usually reinforce this lesson. That isn’t true for some of the other things he learns.
One of the first street signs he learns to read is the stop sign. He knows what that means. The question is, do you always stop for the stop signs you come to. Many times drivers feel that they don’t need to stop for all the stop signs. They just cruise on through. That is the lesson. They have learned it from their favorite teacher. It must be OK. It isn’t.
Then there are the speed limit signs. They are a little tougher for little ones to totally understand. But remember, your little one is growing to be a teenager soon. He understands what 25 or 40 or 55 miles per hour means.
He even is learning to read the speedometer and can see when you are driving a different speed or if your speed is clocked at a higher speed than you are supposed to be driving.
There are many lessons you want to teach your child. There are some you don’t want to teach him. Pay attention to the ones you really would rather he not learn to make sure you are not being a teacher of things you really don’t want him to copy.
Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.
