By Cynthia Martin

For the Sequim Gazette

Why did you decide to build a family in the first place?

At the heart of it, it likely began with love. You and your partner chose each other — you chose to share a life and raise a family together. Between school drop-offs, meal prep, screen time negotiations, and managing endless to-do lists, the spark that started your family can sometimes feel buried under the weight of daily life.

But remember why you chose this journey together — because you and your partner loved each other and wanted to build a life as a team.

In the chaos of parenting — whether you’re chasing a toddler, navigating the teen years, or balancing work-from-home schedules — your relationship still needs attention. Make it a priority to give your partner your undivided attention once in a while. Set aside an evening just for the two of you. Be intentional. Put the phones away. Don’t talk about the kids — talk about you.

Remind each other what brought you together in the first place. What do you love about each other now that you might have overlooked lately? What are your dreams for the future — not just as parents, but as partners?

Let your child know this time is important and ask for space unless there’s a real emergency. If you’re able, step out of the house altogether. Go for a walk, grab dinner, or just spend an hour talking with no interruptions. Relationships don’t maintain themselves. Just like parenting, they take care, energy, and intention. Reading relationship books, listening to podcasts, or even trying couples therapy aren’t signs of trouble — they’re signs of investment in something worth preserving.

Not only does this effort strengthen your bond, it directly benefits your children. There’s wisdom in the saying: “The greatest thing you can do for your children is to love your partner.” When kids see affection, cooperation, and emotional safety between their parents, they internalize those models. They learn how to love and how to be loved.

So keep showing up for each other in small ways: a “thank you” for making coffee, a random “I love you” text, or even a hug in the kitchen. These little things add up. If it helps, track it. Are you expressing more appreciation and affection each day?

Remember, your kids are always watching, they’re building a mental blueprint for their future relationships. Your love story is part of their foundation. Let it be one that teaches them not just how to parent, but how to love with kindness, respect, and joy.

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Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.