If it isn’t one thing it is another … the problem used to be when your child always wanted to watch television. Then it was replaced with the telephone. Now it may be the cell phone.

Phones haven’t taken away television screens, but it’s now in competition for your child’s time, and frequently becomes a source of conflict in the family as computers have emerged.

In many ways, this is a first for parents and children to be in competition for the same playthings. It certainly allows for much learning to take place by each group.

Just as with television in the past, you should set limits on phone time and on computer time. This is especially important if these devices are used by the whole family. This is one more chance your child has to learn about being considerate.

While you try to set up rules about using the phone or the computer, you also give your child a chance to enjoy another privilege in your home. When your child wants to take advantage of the phone/computer privilege, it gives you some leverage to expect homework and household responsibilities first.

Time to talk

Phone and computer issues give you an opportunity to talk with your child about the importance of manners. Talk and set rules about what you expect from your child on the phone and even on the computer. Here are some questions about rules (though there can certainly be others):

Is there a time limit on calls or computer time?

How late will it be okay to use the computer?

How late will phone calls be accepted?

Is it okay to limit use of phones or computers during mealtimes?

Are phone calls or use of the computer during homework time okay?

Who can and should answer the phone?

Who pays for long distance calls your child makes?

Are some computer shows inappropriate for your child?

As your child wants more privileges, you are in a very advantageous position. Give phone or computer privileges after your teen completes his expected homework or other responsibilities. As he wants more, you can expect more.

It is not unusual to go out to dinner and find adults talking separately on their cell phones. Phones are appealing to adults as well as children. But adults also need to remember to be courteous when using the phone. Some of the rules for children also apply to adults.

If you expect your child to abide by the rules you set, it is important for you to pay some attention to the rules when you are using phones and computers.

Your child is paying attention to your behavior much like you are paying attention to his behavior.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.