We all need rules. They give us help understanding what is okay and what isn’t. They help us make good choices, no matter what our age might be.

No matter what your child’s age, he or she needs rules. Even though your child will act out periodically, you should handle discipline with consistent rules.

Don’t say “no” too frequently. If you constantly tell your child “no,” he will stop paying attention. Use positive wording instead. Say, “Let’s tell your friend you will invite him another time” instead of telling him you don’t want him to come play. When she wants another cupcake, suggest she have one after dinner rather than just telling her “No.”

Give choices. Choices allow your child to feel in control of his world. But make the choices limited so they are not overwhelming. “Would you like to do a puzzle or read a book after dinner?”

Make your expectations clear. Set up rules that are easy to understand and enforce them time and again. For example, tell him that he can play outside after he cleans up his toys. Tell her she can watch her favorite television show after she puts all her doll clothes away.

Push skills your child hasn’t mastered. Children at times may fall apart when they can’t do certain activities on their own, activities like coloring in the lines, do a puzzle or put on their shoes. These are not times to push your child but they are times to encourage your child.

Understand your child’s limits. Be aware of situations that might frustrate your child and suggest times to take a break from difficult tasks.

Offer options that might calm your child. Make yourself aware of activities or your child’s behavior that help him or her relax such as taking a walk around, breathing deeply and direct her or him towards them when you see her or his frustration rising.

Do not, however, do the task for your child. When you do the task for him you will prevent your child from learning how to cope with frustration as well as how to master the skill (bornlearning.org).

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation.

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Taking care of yourself

To be a good parent, you need to be able to take care of yourself before you try to take care of your child.

Here are some symptoms of too much stress and when you might need to seek help from others or take better care of yourself:

• frequently ill

• low energy

• unresponsive to your child

• depressed

• confused

• irritable and short-tempered

• cry easily

• fearful

• suspicious of others

• abusive

• headaches

• mood swings

• low energy

• poor eating habits

• constant complaining

• sleeping more

• not able to sleep

• abusing alcohol or drugs